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default How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Hairyloon on 18th July 2010, 1:14 pm

Friends are great aren't they?
Except sometimes they seem to take more than they give.
And sometimes, especially if they've got a lot on their minds, they can give the impression of dumping on you from a great height.
And if they're spending a lot of time with their "other friends", who you maybe don't get on with so well... shall we just say that can cause a rift?

But how far do you let it go before you draw a line under it and cut them off?
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default Re: How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Compostwoman on 18th July 2010, 1:20 pm

mmm tricky one.

Depend how much love and affection you have for them I guess, but even then it can get too much.

If they are constantly annoying and upsetting you I would say that is a line, crossed.


Last edited by Compostwoman on 18th July 2010, 1:26 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : missed out a word.)
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Post by Adrian on 18th July 2010, 1:21 pm

Hairyloon wrote:But how far do you let it go before you draw a line under it and cut them off?

Oddly enough I have done just that. Not going into details, but enough to say that I no longer have the energy to deal with the bizarre behaviour that former friend exhibited. It saddens me, but after driving her wet fish of new husband away with her bullying (he's moved back to the UK) she decided we were best friends again, then last week bombarded me with abusive emails after I told her that I didn't think that we could work together...

A seriously exhausting person, driven, focused and quite frankly, utterly selfish.

So drawing a line and walking away has been the most cathartic and productive part of that friendship.

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default Re: How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Dandelion on 18th July 2010, 1:25 pm

Hairyloon wrote:
But how far do you let it go before you draw a line under it and cut them off?

Is it possible to keep your distance for a while rather than cut them off, and see how things go? - 'cutting off' is very final while keeping things polite but distance could be a test of how much they value your friendship and what they are prepared to do to maintain relationships. I would see cutting off as a last resort, but I have found it to be necessary sometimes.

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The richer we have become materially, the poorer we have become morally and spiritually. We have learned to fly in the air like birds and swim in the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers and sisters.

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Post by Compostwoman on 18th July 2010, 1:26 pm

That is a good tactic D, especially if you let them know WHY.
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Post by Guest on 18th July 2010, 4:25 pm

I am always surprised how many people take my exception ability to tolerate as weakness. They take silence as stupidity. They are always a little shocked when I pull myself up to full high, show my real colours and sometimes growl back.

I think, like the mature oak I can cope with a bit of rot and some parasites as the bird song and the nests and the good things in life come too. But I do think you have to cut leaches off because they will just keep going until there is nothing left and then just move on to do the same to another.
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default Re: How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Dandelion on 18th July 2010, 8:14 pm

I've been pondering this over as I pottered about this afternoon. You described 'friends', but in my book a friend is someone who gives as well as takes, and has your welfare at heart as well as their own. Zoe talks about 'leeches', and this does sound like an uneven relationship with mostly give and no take. Someone who uses you for their own ends isn't a friend. Stepping back would give the relationship time to cool and give you time to think (especially as CW says if you can be honest with them)

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The richer we have become materially, the poorer we have become morally and spiritually. We have learned to fly in the air like birds and swim in the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers and sisters.

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default Re: How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Wilhelm Von Rhomboid on 18th July 2010, 8:17 pm

I suspect sometimes we all seem to take more than we give to others. Rightly or wrongly. "Seem" is the key word here.

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default Re: How much leeway do you give your "friends"?

Post by Hairyloon on 18th July 2010, 9:04 pm

Wilhelm Von Rhomboid wrote:I suspect sometimes we all seem to take more than we give to others. Rightly or wrongly. "Seem" is the key word here.
Sometimes I am careful about what I write. Wink
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